Episode 12: Moonraker

Mr Bond, you persist in defying my efforts to provide an amusing death for you.

This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James watch the widely reviled 1979 classic Moonraker, and to their absolute delight, they discover that it’s actually really good. Of course, they also criticise some terrible kerning, wince at the series’ most upsetting death, and wonder if Drax’s guards can actually hear anything under all that.

Oh, and Brendan sings Joe Cornish’s proposed theme for Quantum of Solace.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Moonraker. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It’s also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we will completely overlook that regrettable incident in Egypt where you bit out the throat of beloved English actor Nadim Sawalha.

Doctor Who in Ten Seconds

Since our last Bondfinger, Brendan has been hard at work on Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, which now covers the entirety of the 1960s. To catch Brendan’s uniquely sweet and sardonic take on Doctor Who, or just to see him clad in skin-tight glittery spandex, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.

Episode 11: The Spy Who Loved Me

— Oh, by the way, thanks for deserting me back there.
— Every women for herself, remember?
— Still, you did save my life.
— We all make mistakes, Mr. Bond.

After a couple of fairly lacklustre films, the James Bond franchise roars back to life in the seminal Bond film of the 1970s: The Spy Who Loved Me. So, among the crude double entendres and Doctor Who references, there’s a lot of admiration here: the frocks, Jaws, Barbara Bach’s fabulous breasts, Bernard Lee’s fabulous nose, and the biggest set in the biggest sound stage in human history.

As always, Bondfinger isn’t really safe for work.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of The Spy Who Loved Me. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It’s also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise to always keep the British end up, sir.

Doctor Who in Ten Seconds

On Bondfinger, we make it a strict rule to never mention Doctor Who, of course. But just this once, let’s make an exception.

Brendan has just uploaded the latest episode of Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he deftly summarises every story in Doctor Who’s Season 4. Trust us, you’ll love it.

And for more delightful Doctor Who–summarising whimsy, you can visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.

Episode 10: The Man with the Golden Gun

– Good morning. How’s the water?
– Why don’t you come in and find out?
– Sounds very tempting, Miss, er…
– Chew Mee.
– Really? There’s only one problem. I have no swimming trunks.
– Neither have I.

This month, Brendan, Richard and James shred to pieces one of Nathan’s favourite Bond films, The Man with the Golden Gun. On the way, we discuss the casting couch, Roger’s reluctance to learn the choreography, the inscrutable geography of Asia and the need for every Bond stunt from here on in to be performed to the sound of a slide whistle.

The Q and A with Sarah Douglas, star of Superman II, is at the Hayden Orpheum in Sydney’s Cremorne, on 9 October 2016. See you there, perhaps.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of The Man with the Golden Gun. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It’s also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Doctor Who in Ten Seconds

Yes, I know we’re not talking about Doctor Who, but fans of Brendan Jones will enjoy Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he summarises every Doctor Who story in no more than ten seconds. You can find it here. It’s terribly, terribly sweet.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes or the Google Podcast Directory, we’ll actually say some nice things about next month’s Bond film.

Episode 9: Live and Let Die

– There are two ways to disable an alligator, Mr Bond.
– I don’t suppose you’d care to share that information with me?
– One way is to take a pencil and stick it in the pressure point above its eye.
– And the other way?
– Oh, the other way is twice as simple. Just stick your hand in its mouth and pull out all its teeth.

This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James watch the first of Roger Moore’s seven Bond films: Live and Let Die. We cringe at the racism, admire Tee Hee’s positive approach to his work and enjoy Roger Moore’s best hair ever.

As always, Bondfinger is not safe for work. And the opinions expressed in this podcast have no legal standing or cultural validity.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Live and Let Die. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It’s also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Doctor Who in Ten Seconds

If, like all reasonable people, you are baffled and slightly repelled by all our references to Doctor Who, then we have the solution. Brendan has launched a video series called Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he summarises every Doctor Who story in no more than ten seconds. You can find it here. It’s a hoot, apparently.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you enjoyed our commentary (you know you did, you know you did), then please rate or review us on iTunes, or even Google Music. (Sure, why not?)

Episode 8: Diamonds Are Forever

— I’m Bambi.
— And I’m Thumper. Is there something we can do for you?
— I can think of several things, off hand…

Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James have each been paid £1.25 million to appear in this episode of Bondfinger, which means that we have no money left to pay Ken Adam, John Barry or any of the makeup girls. Sorry about that.

As always, Bondfinger is not safe for work.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Diamonds Are Forever. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It’s also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, when love’s gone, we’ll lustre on. If that’s actually a verb.

Episode 7: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

— I find her fascinating. But, she needs a psychiatrist, not me.
— What she needs is a man… to dominate her! To make love to her enough to make her love him! A man like you!

Sean Connery’s gone, never to return (never!), and so we find ourselves with a long-running film franchise starring Australian heartthrob George Lazenby and his amazing seven-film contract. What could possibly go wrong?

In the meantime, we discuss overworked foley artists, Diana Rigg’s fabulous breasts (repeatedly) and Richard’s prepubescent frisson encountering a shirtless Lazenby at a 1970s dinner party. All while continually preventing James from making endless Doctor Who references. Oh, James.

Here’s the exchange of open letters between Diana Rigg and George Lazenby, apparently published in the Daily Mirror in 1970.

You should immediately follow George Lazenby on Twitter. He’s crazily fabulous.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It’s also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll give you the name of our oculist.

Episode 6: Casino Royale (1967)

It’s vaporized lysergic acid: it’s highly explosive!

What the hell just happened?

After a two-month mission infiltrating a volcano in Japan, Brendan, Nathan and James return to face their most puzzling mission yet: the inexplicable and sporadically entertaining dumpster fire that is the 1967 film Casino Royale.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Casino Royale. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It’s also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, you’ll be in the running to win the grand prize of starring in your very own incomprehensibly disjointed dance sequence in a Buddhist temple, or a big green thumbprint or, who knows, the Wild West or something, directed by some guy we met on the street just now, for the upcoming Bondfinger Productions movie Never Say Never Again, starring Ben Stiller as Sir Daniel Craig and Richard L Stone as Fatima Blush.

Episode 5: You Only Live Twice

– Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?
– You think we better, huh?
– No, just different. Like Peking Duck is different from Russian Caviar, but I love them both.
– Darling, I give you very best duck.

Brendan, Richard, Nathan and James have been surgically altered to look like Romulans and sent off to the embarrassingly exotic Orient to confront the hideous Doctor Evil. On the way, they discuss Danger 5, stirring your martini, landing helicopters in the studio, pig-faced girls, orientalism, sexism, and dozens of potential future podcast projects.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of You Only Live Twice. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It’s also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise never to come first (ew!).

Episode 4: Thunderball

But of course! I forgot your ego, Mr Bond. James Bond, who only has to make love to a woman and she starts to hear heavenly choirs singing. She repents and immediately returns to the side of right and virtue. But not this one.

In this episode, Brendan, Nathan and James head off to the irrigation therapy room to watch Thunderball. On the way, we tell you how to set off a nuclear bomb, try and pronounce the name Llewellyn, speculate about sexy grandfathers and watch carefully-trained sharks being brutally slaughtered.

You can read the Incredible Suit‘s review of Thunderball here.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Thunderball. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It’s also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll throw in a mink glove to reduce the tension (no we won’t).

Episode 3: Goldfinger

No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!

This month, Brendan, Nathan and James watch and comment on one of the all-time Bond classics: Goldfinger. On the way, we find ourselves discussing golfing without underwear, the joys of bourbon, exposition pool tables and, of course, Little James himself. Over and over again.

Roger Moore plays James Bond in this comedy sketch from 1964.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Goldfinger. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It’s also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll tell the stewardess liquor for three.