– There are two ways to disable an alligator, Mr Bond.
– I don’t suppose you’d care to share that information with me?
– One way is to take a pencil and stick it in the pressure point above its eye.
– And the other way?
– Oh, the other way is twice as simple. Just stick your hand in its mouth and pull out all its teeth.
This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James watch the first of Roger Moore’s seven Bond films: Live and Let Die. We cringe at the racism, admire Tee Hee’s positive approach to his work and enjoy Roger Moore’s best hair ever.
As always, Bondfinger is not safe for work. And the opinions expressed in this podcast have no legal standing or cultural validity.
If, like all reasonable people, you are baffled and slightly repelled by all our references to Doctor Who, then we have the solution. Brendan has launched a video series called Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he summarises every Doctor Who story in no more than ten seconds. You can find it here. It’s a hoot, apparently.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you enjoyed our commentary (you know you did, you know you did), then please rate or review us on iTunes, or even Google Music. (Sure, why not?)
– Good morning. How’s the water?
– Why don’t you come in and find out?
– Sounds very tempting, Miss, er…
– Chew Mee.
– Really? There’s only one problem. I have no swimming trunks.
– Neither have I.
This month, Brendan, Richard and James shred to pieces one of Nathan’s favourite Bond films, The Man with the Golden Gun. On the way, we discuss the casting couch, Roger’s reluctance to learn the choreography, the inscrutable geography of Asia and the need for every Bond stunt from here on in to be performed to the sound of a slide whistle.
The Q and A with Sarah Douglas, star of Superman II, is at the Hayden Orpheum in Sydney’s Cremorne, on 9 October 2016. See you there, perhaps.
Yes, I know we’re not talking about Doctor Who, but fans of Brendan Jones will enjoy Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he summarises every Doctor Who story in no more than ten seconds. You can find it here. It’s terribly, terribly sweet.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes or the Google Podcast Directory, we’ll actually say some nice things about next month’s Bond film.
– Oh, by the way, thanks for deserting me back there.
– Every woman for herself, remember?
– Still, you did save my life.
– We all make mistakes, Mr. Bond.
After a couple of fairly lacklustre films, the James Bond franchise roars back to life in the seminal Bond film of the 1970s: The Spy Who Loved Me. So, among the crude double entendres and Doctor Who references, there’s a lot of admiration here: the frocks, Jaws, Barbara Bach’s fabulous breasts, Bernard Lee’s fabulous nose, and the biggest set in the biggest sound stage in human history.
Mr Bond, you persist in defying my efforts to provide an amusing death for you.
This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James watch the widely reviled 1979 classic Moonraker, and to their absolute delight, they discover that it’s actually really good. Of course, they also criticise some terrible kerning, wince at the series’ most upsetting death, and wonder if Drax’s guards can actually hear anything under all that.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we will completely overlook that regrettable incident in Egypt where you bit out the throat of beloved English actor Nadim Sawalha.
Doctor Who in Ten Seconds
Since our last Bondfinger, Brendan has been hard at work on Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, which now covers the entirety of the 1960s. To catch Brendan’s uniquely sweet and sardonic take on Doctor Who, or just to see him clad in skin-tight glittery spandex, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.
– Mr. Bond! We can do a deal! I’ll buy you a delicatessen in stainless steel! Please!
– Alright, keep your hair on!
– Put me down! Put me down!
– Oh, you want to get off?
This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James decide to rein it all back in — we’re dumping into a chimney the whole idea of taking over the world, and instead we’ll just do a whole lot of skiing, rock-climbing and wrangling over a eighties-era electronic calculators. Oh, and punching Lynn-Holly Johnson in the face. For Your Eyes Only-y-y!
Since our last Bondfinger, Brendan has been hard at work on Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, which now covers the 1960s and the first season of the 1970s. To see Brigade Leader Brendan gurn his way through the first seven years of Doctor Who, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.
– Is he still there?
– You must be joking! 007 on an island populated exclusively by women? We won’t see him till dawn!
This month, we’re throwing political correctness to the winds, and trying out every conceivable Indian stereotype. Brendan is sleeping on a bed of nails, Nathan is swallowing swords, Richard is charming snakes, and (strangely) James is dressing as Agnetha from the music video of SOS. It’s the second best Bond film of 1983 (or is it?). Welcome to Octopussy.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise to give you enough cash to keep you in curry for a few weeks. (This promise should not be regarded as in any way legally binding.)
Doctor Who in Ten Seconds
We never mention Doctor Who on Bondfinger, of course, so you have probably never even heard of it. But if you have, you will certainly enjoy Brendan’s video series Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he summarises each Doctor Who story from the 1960s and 1970s in no more than 10 seconds. To watch the series, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.
– Welcome sir, I’m Jenny Flex.
– Of course you are.
Well, it’s our last ever Rodgecast, and we couldn’t be more upset to see him go. (Although he only appears in this film for about five minutes: in most scenes he is played by one of a team of about three dozen stuntmen.) To console ourselves, we share a few bottles of bubbles, while we discuss flirting grandparents, pranking Roger in bed, the absence of Ken Adam, the worst actors to play Bond villains, the curse of Goldfinger, and the terrible disappointment of a flaccid zeppelin.
See the film
If you can tolerate buying yet another plastic disc, you can buy A View to a Kill on Blu-ray. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll think twice before breaking your precious Ming vase over an intruder’s head.
This month, advertising account executive Gary Fenn (Roger Moore) and fiery underwear model Marla Kougash (Claudie Lange) find themselves on the run as they try to foil a violent fascist takeover of Great Britain. Meanwhile Richard (Martha Hyer), James (Dudley Sutton), Brendan (Mark Ruffalo) and Nathan (an extremely rosaceous Sir Bernard Lee) take copious liquid advantage of the recent lifting of Sydney’s lockdown by slurring their way through the long-forgotten quota quickie Crossplot.
See the film
The film is available for purchase through various online retailers, but it is currently available in full on YouTube.
