– Good morning. How’s the water?
– Why don’t you come in and find out?
– Sounds very tempting, Miss, er…
– Chew Mee.
– Really? There’s only one problem. I have no swimming trunks.
– Neither have I.
This month, Brendan, Richard and James shred to pieces one of Nathan’s favourite Bond films, The Man with the Golden Gun. On the way, we discuss the casting couch, Roger’s reluctance to learn the choreography, the inscrutable geography of Asia and the need for every Bond stunt from here on in to be performed to the sound of a slide whistle.
The Q and A with Sarah Douglas, star of Superman II, is at the Hayden Orpheum in Sydney’s Cremorne, on 9 October 2016. See you there, perhaps.
Yes, I know we’re not talking about Doctor Who, but fans of Brendan Jones will enjoy Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he summarises every Doctor Who story in no more than ten seconds. You can find it here. It’s terribly, terribly sweet.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes or the Google Podcast Directory, we’ll actually say some nice things about next month’s Bond film.
– There are two ways to disable an alligator, Mr Bond.
– I don’t suppose you’d care to share that information with me?
– One way is to take a pencil and stick it in the pressure point above its eye.
– And the other way?
– Oh, the other way is twice as simple. Just stick your hand in its mouth and pull out all its teeth.
This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James watch the first of Roger Moore’s seven Bond films: Live and Let Die. We cringe at the racism, admire Tee Hee’s positive approach to his work and enjoy Roger Moore’s best hair ever.
As always, Bondfinger is not safe for work. And the opinions expressed in this podcast have no legal standing or cultural validity.
If, like all reasonable people, you are baffled and slightly repelled by all our references to Doctor Who, then we have the solution. Brendan has launched a video series called Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he summarises every Doctor Who story in no more than ten seconds. You can find it here. It’s a hoot, apparently.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you enjoyed our commentary (you know you did, you know you did), then please rate or review us on iTunes, or even Google Music. (Sure, why not?)
– I’m Bambi.
– And I’m Thumper. Is there something we can do for you?
– I can think of several things, off hand…
Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James have each been paid £1.25 million to appear in this episode of Bondfinger, which means that we have no money left to pay Ken Adam, John Barry or any of the makeup girls. Sorry about that.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, when love’s gone, we’ll lustre on. If that’s actually a verb.
— I find her fascinating. But, she needs a psychiatrist, not me.
— What she needs is a man… to dominate her! To make love to her enough to make her love him! A man like you!
Sean Connery’s gone, never to return (never!), and so we find ourselves with a long-running film franchise starring Australian heartthrob George Lazenby and his amazing seven-film contract. What could possibly go wrong?
In the meantime, we discuss overworked foley artists, Diana Rigg’s fabulous breasts (repeatedly) and Richard’s prepubescent frisson encountering a shirtless Lazenby at a 1970s dinner party. All while continually preventing James from making endless Doctor Who references. Oh, James.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll give you the name of our oculist.
After a two-month mission infiltrating a volcano in Japan, Brendan, Nathan and James return to face their most puzzling mission yet: the inexplicable and sporadically entertaining dumpster fire that is the 1967 film Casino Royale.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, you’ll be in the running to win the grand prize of starring in your very own incomprehensibly disjointed dance sequence in a Buddhist temple, or a big green thumbprint or, who knows, the Wild West or something, directed by some guy we met on the street just now, for the upcoming Bondfinger Productions movie Never Say Never Again, starring Ben Stiller as Sir Daniel Craig and Richard L Stone as Fatima Blush.
– Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?
– You think we better, huh?
– No, just different. Like Peking Duck is different from Russian Caviar, but I love them both.
– Darling, I give you very best duck.
Brendan, Richard, Nathan and James have been surgically altered to look like Romulans and sent off to the embarrassingly exotic Orient to confront the hideous Doctor Evil. On the way, they discuss Danger 5, stirring your martini, landing helicopters in the studio, pig-faced girls, orientalism, sexism, and dozens of potential future podcast projects.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise never to come first (ew!).
But of course! I forgot your ego, Mr Bond. James Bond, who only has to make love to a woman and she starts to hear heavenly choirs singing. She repents and immediately returns to the side of right and virtue. But not this one.
In this episode, Brendan, Nathan and James head off to the irrigation therapy room to watch Thunderball. On the way, we tell you how to set off a nuclear bomb, try and pronounce the name Llewellyn, speculate about sexy grandfathers and watch carefully-trained sharks being brutally slaughtered.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll throw in a mink glove to reduce the tension (no we won’t).
This month, Brendan, Nathan and James watch and comment on one of the all-time Bond classics: Goldfinger. On the way, we find ourselves discussing golfing without underwear, the joys of bourbon, exposition pool tables and, of course, Little James himself. Over and over again.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll tell the stewardess liquor for three.
Siamese Fighting Fish. Fascinating creatures. Brave, but on the whole, stupid. Yes, they’re stupid… except for the occasional one such as we have here, who waits. Waits until the survivor is so exhausted that he cannot defend himself. And then, like SPECTRE, he strikes.
In our second commentary track, Richard, Brendan, Sutekh the cat and James (oh, James!) hop on board the Orient Express (probably), where they fight over Robert Shaw, obsess inexplicably over Daniella Bianchi, and tell you everything you never wanted to know about Sean Connery’s increasingly unconvincing series of toupées.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll make love to you all the time in England. No, really.
– I admire your courage, Miss — ?
– Trench. Sylvia Trench. I admire your luck, Mr — ?
– Bond. James Bond.
Welcome to the first episode of our new podcast, Bondfinger. In this episode, Brendan, Richard, Nathan and James watch and discuss the first proper Bond film: Dr No (1962), starring Sean Connery, Ursula Andress and John Kitzmiller.
Bondfinger is a commentary podcast, so it’s best watched alongside the film itself. Just press play when Brendan says now. Of course, you can also watch it on its own — on a boat at night heading out to the mysterious Crab Key, or while showering on a conveyor belt with Ursula Andress.
Bondfinger may contain drug and sex references, colourful idioms, adult themes, and artistically valid nudity. It’s hard for us to remember after the fourth Vesper martini.
Brendan is on Twitter as @brandybongos, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, James is @ohjamessellwood, and Richard’s Twitter account was last seen tumbling down a cliff in a hearse and exploding for no reason. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at flightthroughentirety.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll slap on some unconvincing eye makeup and cook you some lovely Chinese food. No strings attached. Promise.
