– Really? There’s only one problem. I have no swimming trunks.
– Neither have I.
This month, Brendan, Richard and James shred to pieces one of Nathan’s favourite Bond films, The Man with the Golden Gun. On the way, we discuss the casting couch, Roger’s reluctance to learn the choreography, the inscrutable geography of Asia and the need for every Bond stunt from here on in to be performed to the sound of a slide whistle.
– There are two ways to disable an alligator, Mr Bond.
– I don’t suppose you’d care to share that information with me?
– One way is to take a pencil and stick it in the pressure point above its eye.
– And the other way?
– Oh, the other way is twice as simple. Just stick your hand in its mouth and pull out all its teeth.
This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James watch the first of Roger Moore’s seven Bond films: Live and Let Die. We cringe at the racism, admire Tee Hee’s positive approach to his work and enjoy Roger Moore’s best hair ever.
— And I’m Thumper. Is there something we can do for you?
— I can think of several things, off hand…
Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James have each been paid £1.25 million to appear in this episode of Bondfinger, which means that we have no money left to pay Ken Adam, John Barry or any of the makeup girls. Sorry about that.
— I find her fascinating. But, she needs a psychiatrist, not me.
— What she needs is a man… to dominate her! To make love to her enough to make her love him! A man like you!
Sean Connery’s gone, never to return (never!), and so we find ourselves with a long-running film franchise starring Australian heartthrob George Lazenby and his amazing seven-film contract. What could possibly go wrong?
In the meantime, we discuss overworked foley artists, Diana Rigg’s fabulous breasts (repeatedly) and Richard’s prepubescent frisson encountering a shirtless Lazenby at a 1970s dinner party. All while continually preventing James from making endless Doctor Who references. Oh, James.
After a two-month mission infiltrating a volcano in Japan, Brendan, Nathan and James return to face their most puzzling mission yet: the inexplicable and sporadically entertaining dumpster fire that is the 1967 film Casino Royale.
– Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?
– You think we better, huh?
– No, just different. Like Peking Duck is different from Russian Caviar, but I love them both.
– Darling, I give you very best duck.
Brendan, Richard, Nathan and James have been surgically altered to look like Romulans and sent off to the embarrassingly exotic Orient to confront the hideous Doctor Evil. On the way, they discuss Danger 5, stirring your martini, landing helicopters in the studio, pig-faced girls, orientalism, sexism, and dozens of potential future podcast projects.
But of course! I forgot your ego, Mr Bond. James Bond, who only has to make love to a woman and she starts to hear heavenly choirs singing. She repents and immediately returns to the side of right and virtue. But not this one.
In this episode, Brendan, Nathan and James head off to the irrigation therapy room to watch Thunderball. On the way, we tell you how to set off a nuclear bomb, try and pronounce the name Llewellyn, speculate about sexy grandfathers and watch carefully-trained sharks being brutally slaughtered.
This month, Brendan, Nathan and James watch and comment on one of the all-time Bond classics: Goldfinger. On the way, we find ourselves discussing golfing without underwear, the joys of bourbon, exposition pool tables and, of course, Little James himself. Over and over again.
Siamese Fighting Fish. Fascinating creatures. Brave, but on the whole, stupid. Yes, they’re stupid… except for the occasional one such as we have here, who waits. Waits until the survivor is so exhausted that he cannot defend himself. And then, like SPECTRE, he strikes.
In our second commentary track, Richard, Brendan, Sutekh the cat and James (oh, James!) hop on board the Orient Express (probably), where they fight over Robert Shaw, obsess inexplicably over Daniella Bianchi, and tell you everything you never wanted to know about Sean Connery’s increasingly unconvincing series of toupées.
— Trench. Sylvia Trench. I admire your luck, Mr — ?
— Bond. James Bond.
Welcome to the first episode of our new podcast, Bondfinger. In this episode, Brendan, Richard, Nathan and James watch and discuss the first proper Bond film: Dr No (1962), starring Sean Connery, Ursula Andress and John Kitzmiller.