– You were pretty good with that hook.
– Thanks. It comes from growing up in a rough neighbourhood. You were pretty good with the bike.
– Thank you. It comes from not growing up at all.
We’re straight on to Pierce’s second film, in which he teams up with Nathan’s cousin-in-law to defeat a villain who is in equal parts Ted Turner, Rupert Murdoch and that guy who played the Master in Doctor Who that one time. It’s like a bunch of previous Bond films rolled in to one violently stirred vodka martini, really.
See the film
Tomorrow Never Dies is available for purchase on Blu-ray. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we won’t release the video of you with the cheerleader and the quarterback in the Chicago motel room. Unless you want us to, of course.
– Good morning, Mr Bond, sit. I’m Defense Minister Dimitri Mishkin. So, by what means shall we execute you, Commander Bond?
– What, no small talk? No chit chat? That’s the trouble with the world today. No one takes the time to do a really sinister interrogation anymore. It’s a lost art.
This month, the entire franchise is retooled and the lead has been recast from the menswear department from Grace Brothers, but somehow we all manage to find these facts less compelling than the recent and terribly upsetting death of Sir Roger Moore. Cheerio, darling!
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise to devote at least half an hour to each of our remaining commentaries to eulogising the wonderful Sir Roger Moore. (Actually, I think we’re planning to do that anyway.)
When it gets up to your ankles, you’re going to beg to tell me everything. When it gets up to your knees, you’ll kiss my ass to kill you.
This week, we’re still as dark and edgy as ever, but instead of commenting on a fun and witty espionage thriller, we’re consumed by a thirst for revenge, like so many tiresome action heroes of the 1990s. There’s also some stuff about cocaine mixed with petrol, which comes with so many warnings from the Surgeon General that you can barely fit them on the side of an oil tanker.
See the film
Licence to Kill is available for purchase on Blu-ray. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll really give you a nice honeymoon. A proper romantic one, with flowers and martinis and things.
We’re back after a two-year break, and somehow we’re darker, sexier, edgier, and a whole lot more Welsh. Brendan’s hot and bothered, James is seeking other podcasting opportunities, and Nathan is weirdly obsessed with the Dalton hair. He’s probably just jealous.
See the film
The Living Daylights is available for purchase on Blu-ray. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise we won’t punch Robert Brown in the face until at least the next film.
– Welcome sir, I’m Jenny Flex.
– Of course you are.
Well, it’s our last ever Rodgecast, and we couldn’t be more upset to see him go. (Although he only appears in this film for about five minutes: in most scenes he is played by one of a team of about three dozen stuntmen.) To console ourselves, we share a few bottles of bubbles, while we discuss flirting grandparents, pranking Roger in bed, the absence of Ken Adam, the worst actors to play Bond villains, the curse of Goldfinger, and the terrible disappointment of a flaccid zeppelin.
See the film
If you can tolerate buying yet another plastic disc, you can buy A View to a Kill on Blu-ray. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll think twice before breaking your precious Ming vase over an intruder’s head.
– Good to see you Mr Bond. Things’ve been awfully dull round here. Bureaucrats running the whole place. Everything done by the book. Can’t make a decision unless the computer gives you the go ahead. Now you’re on this. I hope we’re going to have some gratuitous sex and violence!
– I certainly hope so too.
For legal reasons, this month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James have decided to do a remake of Bondfinger Episode 4, with much more exciting lighting and production design and a much less coherent script. But all is not lost. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Max von Sydow, Rowan Atkinson and Pamela Salem to the world of Bond, and Never Say Never Again.
See the film
The Blu-ray of Never Say Never Again is ridiculously expensive in the US, and comparatively cheap in post-Brexit Britain. But, honestly, don’t bother. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)
Brendan’s currently on a secret mission to undermine the government of a tiny South Pacific nation, and so he’s been unable to create a new episode of Doctor Who in Ten Seconds. But if you’d like to see him summarise his way through Doctor Who’s first seven seasons, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.
– Is he still there?
– You must be joking! 007 on an island populated exclusively by women? We won’t see him till dawn!
This month, we’re throwing political correctness to the winds, and trying out every conceivable Indian stereotype. Brendan is sleeping on a bed of nails, Nathan is swallowing swords, Richard is charming snakes, and (strangely) James is dressing as Agnetha from the music video of SOS. It’s the second best Bond film of 1983 (or is it?). Welcome to Octopussy.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise to give you enough cash to keep you in curry for a few weeks. (This promise should not be regarded as in any way legally binding.)
Doctor Who in Ten Seconds
We never mention Doctor Who on Bondfinger, of course, so you have probably never even heard of it. But if you have, you will certainly enjoy Brendan’s video series Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he summarises each Doctor Who story from the 1960s and 1970s in no more than 10 seconds. To watch the series, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.
– Mr. Bond! We can do a deal! I’ll buy you a delicatessen in stainless steel! Please!
– Alright, keep your hair on!
– Put me down! Put me down!
– Oh, you want to get off?
This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James decide to rein it all back in — we’re dumping into a chimney the whole idea of taking over the world, and instead we’ll just do a whole lot of skiing, rock-climbing and wrangling over a eighties-era electronic calculators. Oh, and punching Lynn-Holly Johnson in the face. For Your Eyes Only-y-y!
Since our last Bondfinger, Brendan has been hard at work on Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, which now covers the 1960s and the first season of the 1970s. To see Brigade Leader Brendan gurn his way through the first seven years of Doctor Who, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.
Mr Bond, you persist in defying my efforts to provide an amusing death for you.
This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James watch the widely reviled 1979 classic Moonraker, and to their absolute delight, they discover that it’s actually really good. Of course, they also criticise some terrible kerning, wince at the series’ most upsetting death, and wonder if Drax’s guards can actually hear anything under all that.
We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we will completely overlook that regrettable incident in Egypt where you bit out the throat of beloved English actor Nadim Sawalha.
Doctor Who in Ten Seconds
Since our last Bondfinger, Brendan has been hard at work on Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, which now covers the entirety of the 1960s. To catch Brendan’s uniquely sweet and sardonic take on Doctor Who, or just to see him clad in skin-tight glittery spandex, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.
– Oh, by the way, thanks for deserting me back there.
– Every woman for herself, remember?
– Still, you did save my life.
– We all make mistakes, Mr. Bond.
After a couple of fairly lacklustre films, the James Bond franchise roars back to life in the seminal Bond film of the 1970s: The Spy Who Loved Me. So, among the crude double entendres and Doctor Who references, there’s a lot of admiration here: the frocks, Jaws, Barbara Bach’s fabulous breasts, Bernard Lee’s fabulous nose, and the biggest set in the biggest sound stage in human history.
